‘What do I really want out of my relationship with my blender?’

It’s a totally normal question.

Let’s pretend that I’d like to buy a blender. I’m willing to invest no more than $100 on some metal and plastic that converts fruit and vegetables into a drinkable, cold goo.

I have 2 options. I could buy the $50 blender, or the $100 blender. It’s the age old question: the cheap one, or the expensive one? Entire marriages crumble to pieces over this debate.

To alleviate the mental strain of this problem, I ask a friend what he thinks I should do. He says, “don’t buy the expensive one. It does the same thing as the cheap one, you’re gonna get ripped off dude.” Hearing this, I think, “What do you mean it does the same thing as the cheap one? Is the cheap blender completely identical to the expensive blender?”

I slide into the dms of another friend. “Hey so between these 2 blenders, which one do you think I should buy? asking for a friend.”

“Get the expensive one,” she says.

“Why?”

“It’ll last longer.”

It’ll last longer? I never thought of that. I thought I wanted to buy a blender so that I could make smoothies. I never considered for how long I’d like to make smoothies. 6 months? A year? Eternity?

Eternity sounds like the best option. That’s it! I should buy a blender that lasts forever, for all eternity. Only there’s 1 problem, as I now recall what I learned on the first day of kindergarten: Nothing lasts forever except death.

The exponential increase in the power of technology brings with it the exponential increase in the power of blenders. But any blender I buy can’t upgrade itself to match the ever-increasing power of technology. A blender is a piece of hardware. Atoms and molecules. A material thing. Static. Unchanging. As cold and rigid as my ex-wife’s heart.

We haven’t yet solved the problem. Do I buy the cheap blender, or the expensive blender?

I can answer the question only by CTRL C/Ving the question from earlier.

‘What do I really want out of my relationship with my blender?’

I’m gonna copy and paste it again, this time with italics to drive home the most important point.

What do I really want out of my relationship with my blender?’

What do I really want….that’s the question.

Your health, your family, your friendships, your career — everything in your life depends to some degree on how you answer the question: what do you really want out of your relationship with such-and-such and so-and-so?

It’s a lot harder to ask that question than it is to answer it. Because the question sounds silly, low-brow, unimportant. Therefore, we consider it a stupid question. “My relationship with my blender? Aren’t there better questions we could be asking, like how Americans should be preparing for climate change?”

The terribly ironic thing is this. Your consideration of what you really want out of your relationship with the world of things and people is one of the deepest considerations you could ever consider.

When you raise yourself the question, “what do I want?”, your brain will come up with an answer almost instantly. Consider the blender thing again: “what kind of blender do I want? I want a blender that doesn’t break down so I can feed myself delicious wholesome smoothies.” See how easy that was? Now consider this: Proclaiming your desire for a blender that works, you value yourself deserving of a blender that works, of a body and soul worthy of good food. That’s a deep conclusion to come to. Not everybody believes their bodies and souls worthy of good food. I dare say it’s a religious statement, a spiritual statement. A statement of affirmation. Yes! I want a good blender! I need a good blender because I deserve not bad, but good food! And if the good blender breaks down, you’ll buy another good blender. And if that one breaks down, you’ll buy another good blender. You’ll keep buying good blenders so long as you consider yourself deserving of what a good blender represents psychologically. And what a good blender represents psychologically is a material thing representing your spiritual/religious belief that you deserve good.

Deciding you deserve good — we can branch this out to every aspect of your life.

What do you want out of your relationship with your friends? Booze buddies? Or people you can call at 3 in the morning when shit gets rough?

What do you want out of your job? Labor that merely pays the bills? Or something you look forward to doing everyday?

What do you want out of your money? Digits in the bank account to be converted into hamburgers and milkshakes? Or something you use in exchange for memories that’ll make your last hours on your death bed a little less horrible?

It is totally possible to maintain material wealth and spiritual fulfillment, simultaneously. The trick is to ask yourself:

Just what the hell do I want?

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